What Penguins May Dream

From Then to Now

2011-01-13T17:49:00.005-06:00

Sorry for the lack of updates over the last six months. Many things have been going on in my world and sadly have not had the time nor mental go ahead to get things done. Here are some of the highs and lows from the last 6 months to now.

* I left Children's Hospital, well transferred, after my job was being fazed out. In September I landed as a Tech at Barnes OR in Ortho/Trauma.....and couldn't be happier. I get to be more hands on, and with enough time, I will learn the department and be able to do more.

* My best friend, the one that got away, L got engaged. Her and her man will be getting married in March-ish I believe. I wish them the greatest of luck and hope happiness is always in their lives.

* Have really began to notice over the last few years a sort of slow decline in my mental abilities......hence the lack of updates. My stories and updates, whether they are here, facebook, or twitter, are littered with missing words and incomplete thoughts. In the past I was scared as to what this might imply, but over the last 6 months of mental and personal change, I am aware that I am at the mercy of my body. Whatever may come if it, so be it. I may sound dumb, my writings incomplete, but in the end........ I will still be me. When it comes to medicine, I can rattle off things lefts and right, but when it comes down to everyday things.....I struggle, get frustrated, then sadly forget what was bothering me.

I will try and do better and write more, but it truly is hard these days. Having friends and family who write make it better, as there words and stories give me hope that I to can write like them.

Lots of love from the penguin,

Josh

The Future

2010-07-30T02:19:00.005-05:00

"One must sometimes look to the future for guidance

when dealing with the present."

- Josh Leadbetter

Well things sure are changing in my world, but thankfully for the better. With each passing day it looks as though my time with my current job, a Children's Hospital, is slowly coming to an end. As a medical secretary, its never good when they institute a new program with gives 90% of your job to someone else.

But am I mad, now no. I was in the beginning, wow was I mad. But I kind of look at it as a blessing in disguise. I may lose a job, but I will work hard to try and find a career. I do enjoy what I do, I work with kids, wonderful people, and I do the work of 5 people it seems.

But, sometimes we need to take off our little boy pants and put on a pair of manly britches.

Kind of a creepy thought, but you catch my drift.

We shall see where the future goes, hopefully, a fun ride will ensue. Which just a few bumps to keep things interesting.

-JeL

This is just REALLY funny to me, thanks XKCD.

Inspiration in Musical Figures

2010-06-26T22:47:00.014-05:00

I'm in the home stretch with my weight loss, walking more, eating better. I can see the finish line even though it is still some ways away. After wavering on this path I'm back on with a vengeance. And one of the things that has helped me stay the course, is music. Mostly, musical figures have played the biggest role. One with the body stlye, the other with the look and attitude

The Body : Till Lindemann - Lead singer of the German band Rammstein, 6'3", built like a tank!

The Look/Attitude: Michael Poulsen - Lead singer of the Dannish rock back Volbeat, the dude just oozes coolness. I got to see him in concert, dude was nice, down to Earth, and loved his fans. About as easy going as they come.

Everyone can strive to be physically healthy, but one must also try to be mentally cool. Cause as we know, there is nothing worse than someone who is fit and trim, but is a complete dick. You have to strive to better all around. Here's to it.......let's finish this thing.

"Music is what feelings sound like."

- Author Unknown

Wrong Year, Wrong Time, Same Lazy Race

2010-06-22T03:02:00.007-05:00

I have mentioned before that sometimes, one will feel as though they were born in the wrong century. I am no exception. I long for simpler time when ones life depended on being active and human.

I imagine waking up in the 18th or 19th century. Lighting candles as it is early and the sun is still waiting to come up. I walk across the hard, cold wooden floors to dress. I go down a long set of stairs and exit my home. A home which I helped build. I take in a deep breath and begin to process what needs to be done for the day.

But no, I open my eyes and see laziness. Everywhere. People who die if their cell phones where off for an hour.

Dam we as a race have become f**king lazy. How many would starve if they had to do things for themselves? I can hope the next generation learns to get out and play with a freaking stick at least. But that is doubtful

The Ultimate Calm

2010-06-11T01:30:00.004-05:00

“Music speaks what cannot be expressed, soothes the

mind and gives it rest, heals the heart and makes it whole,

flows from heaven to the soul."

- Unknown

That about explains it all.

Words of Wisdom

2010-04-26T01:18:00.004-05:00

There are only two things in this world one should NEVER piss off.

1. An undead centaur who has snakes for hands who's riding a Velociraptor as watches Buffy and drinking the blood of Randy Newman..

2. Women

I'd sooner take my chances with 1.

True Madness

2010-03-21T03:52:00.002-05:00

Madness to me is something we will live everyday. But it seems as of late we have gotten to a new level of madness.

We are so f**king dependent on everything else but ourselves. We check our email every 10 seconds. We play on facebook 20 hours a day even at work. We twitter 24/7.

For f**k sake people, do you know what would happen if our electronics went down? You would lose your f**king mind. Get off facebook, twitter, and the net for just a little bit and get back in touch with life.

I have disable my facebook in a step to getting back to a simpler me. I'm going to place less online and focus my thoughts and attentions elsewhere. I will try and write here more often as this will be one of the few places I will use online.

Start living people.

Soon a New Year, New Projects

2009-12-13T22:07:00.006-06:00

“The key to change... is to let go of fear.”

- Rosanne Cash

If there is one thing I really enjoy it's personal projects. They motivate and make me a better person. My last project, My Mirror Project, was a life changing experience. With this project I made a vow to lose weight and continue losing weight. As of today, I have lost 115 pounds and continue every day to lose more in a healthy manner. With a new year though, I feel it is time to add another project or two.

Starting January 1st, I will be working on two new projects. Project Looking Glass and Project Shaggy Penguin.

With Project Looking Glass I will attempt to read one book a month for the whole year. The last book I read, not including comic books or graphic novels, was the first Harry Potter book. And the reason I did? My then girlfriend made me! lol. So, in a effort to expand my mind, I will make a list of of 12 books by the end of December for my year of reading. Fun times to ensue. Said books well include Flowers for Algernon, Catch 22, and Empire of the Ants. Mostly a lot of books with more words and less pictures.

Project Shaggy Penguin is more of a fun oriented project than an intellectual one. I plan to grow my shaved head of hair out. I have not had long hair since 2001 when they were lost in a tragic trimming accident. I think its time for something new with my hair. This will actually be rather hard for me as I feel a need to buzz my head all time. But hey, we shall see and have a little fun.

Hope everyone else has a few projects for the new year. Anything good?

Another Year Almost Past

2009-12-06T14:24:00.002-06:00

If there is something else the holiday season brings, besides a time for giving and joy, it is remembrance. Remembrance of the past year, what we did, what we lost, and a time to simply evaluate what you have done with your life.

During this holiday season, look back at your year, its almost over. Did you do everything you wanted to? Do you use what precious time we have wisely?

If not, there is next year, or the year after that. Or, you can stop and start now. During this holiday season, make every minute count. If you love someone, tell them you love them. If you wish to get things done on the old to do list, well do them. Life is so short and if you needed yet another reminded of that, here it is. It will be 2010 in less than a month. Scary stuff.

And if nothing else, just remember......live, love, and live some more. Happy Holidays people from one old soul to you.

- Josh

What is Your Favorite Book?

2009-11-13T05:58:00.005-06:00

A friend of mine asked me that at work the other night and I honestly had to really think about it. Reading is not something that I really enjoy. When I was younger I had issues with dyslexia and the thought of reading scared the shit out of me. But I must admit, through the "fun" that was high school, I do remember reading a book that really touched my heart and soul. The book is the classic Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes. Here is a really short and simple plot.

"Charlie Gordon, who is retarded and desperately wants to be able to read and write, undergoes a brain operation which dramatically increases his intelligence. But can his emotional development keep pace with the intellectual?"

This book is probably one of the most touching books I can ever recall reading. So much so I have ordered online and can't wait to read it again.

So how about you, what is your favorite book?

A Crisis of Science with an Absence of Faith

2009-11-10T23:15:00.004-06:00

As a young child religion was beaten into my head. When I saw my grandparents we went to church every Sunday. When I was younger with my parents, we went to church every Sunday. I eventually got a point, which all of us do when something is crammed down our throats, of rebellion. I wanted nothing to do with religion in general. Which isn't easy when your family is Southern Baptist.

But I think I found it easier once I really got into the medical field. Somethings that were mysterious could be explained with medicine or science. Sometimes they could not. As each day passes I find the line between science and faith blurring together. Science can not explain everything, neither can faith.

What is a man to do when he loses faith in science and religion? Where does one go for guidance when it seems your only options are no longer personally relevant?

I feel as though I am lost at sea, needing to make port. I have two options, and I have no desire to land at either. Could my answer be something as simple as staying a course and hoping another one opens? Or do I need to find some peace with one and turn around?

A Steampunk Frame of Mind

2009-10-16T05:09:00.005-05:00

I have a desire for copper, steam, and coal. I wish it was a earlier time and when we wanted to see loved one means a letter or a train ride. I long for a simpler time. I long for a day without cell phones and a day when socializing means actually talking and seeing people. I long for simpler times.

I wish I could go one day without seeing someone being a slave to there cell phone or email. Is is that hard to turn off your cell phone......I guess it is.

- Joshua Earnest Leadbetter
October 16, 2009

The Future and Where We Go

2009-08-21T14:13:00.004-05:00

“Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live.”

I know that one day there will come a time when this body ceases to breath and the very life I have lived will be no more. I do not know what happens next, if anything may happen next. All I know is that if my time were to come tomorrow, I would go with a smile, a laugh, and a handful of memories that have brought me so much joy. Live your life as if today is your last day.

The mind is in overdrive today, thanks for bearing with me :)

Josh

Never Say Never Again

2009-08-04T02:57:00.005-05:00

“There is nothing like returning to a place that remains
unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.”
- Nelson Mandela

Never Say Never Again, released in 1983 by Warner Bros., is a remake of the 1965 James Bond film, Thunderball. It stars Sean Connery, who gave his final film performance as British Secret Service agent James Bond 007.

The title is based on a conversation between Sean Connery and his wife. After Diamonds Are Forever he told her he would 'never' play James Bond again. Her response was for him to "Never say never again". She is credited at the end of the film for her contribution. As a result, it was the first Bond movie to use a non-Ian Fleming originated title. The film opened in the autumn of 1983 and was a commercial success, grossing $160 million at the box office.

So I guess when I said I was done with blogging, I should have foreseen that one day, when life was normal, I would want to blog again. Well, it looks as though that day has arrived. I trying feverishly to catch up with the blogging community and try and get back in the swing of things. I would like to take this moment to thank a special red head, my new happy time fun meds, and a few slow hours here at work for really striking home a desire to write. The meds have really opened my eyes and mind, and hopefully I will be less anti-social and more kick ass.

So, I hope everyone has been well and that life is treating you grand. Lots of love from me to you and enjoy the complete and utter randomness to follow.

- Josh

Finale

2009-03-18T02:34:00.009-05:00

I began my journey with blogging on July 6th of last year. I wrote about my experiences with a breakdown, lost loves, and attempted to share my stories in an effort to heal myself. Many things have changed for the better since then; I've made some new friends, kept a once strained friendship alive and well, and been able to document the enigma that is my mind.

Telling stories now however has been quite a strain. Looking over past entries for the year, I have seen that many have been told more than once. I didn't think I had, but low and behold there they are.

I've noticed a lot of people can write about anything. I sadly I am not one of those persons. I wish to write when I feel that I have something relevant to share with my friends. I don't want to force myself to write something simply to share it. So my friends, this will be my last blog entry. I plan to still read my friends blogs and comment, but I will no longer be posting myself. I started this blog to tell my story, and it has been told. I don't wish to use this blog to only post goofy pictures or YouTube videos. I feel I am at that point and writing these entries is getting a lot harder. So with that, I say goodbye blog.

I am on Facebook, just search Josh Leadbetter and there I am. Also, hit me up via email at josh.leadbetter@gmail.com.

I started my first entry with a quote, like many others, so I feel it only fitting I end this with one as well. :)

- Josh Leadbetter

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count.

It's the life in your years"

- Abraham Lincoln

Corn Dogs, Cotton Candy, and Dreams

2009-03-11T19:55:00.013-05:00

The story you are about to read is made up.....it did not happen. Any similarities between those living, dead, or in a zombie state is purely coincidental. What your are about to read.........never happened..........most likely.

Out of all the days I worked in the ER, that night is the one remember

the most. A night that makes you cry, laugh, and yearn for

the sweet embrace of a bearded woman.

The circus was in town that night, I always enjoyed the circus. I have found memories of playing the games, seeing the attractions, and taunting the carnies knowing they couldn't do anything back.

However, as fate would have it on that night, there was a tainted corn dog outbreak. The scene was messy and depressing, like Pearl Harbor with corn dogs. The planes where side show attractions, the bombs were liquid in nature, and the ships where people. The circus was coming to the ER.

The first one to come in was Marvin the Mighty, the worlds tallest midget. At 5"4', he was indeed a god among the little people. He had eaten 11 corn dogs, the doctors didn't think he would make it through the night. Later, corn dog induced psychosis set it. He started screaming, tap dancing, and claiming that the man who live in belt buckle was out to kill him.

He spent a full month in the ICU and was discharged with no long term ill effects. Sadly, the man who lived in his belt buckle died from CO2 exposure from Marvin's chronic flatulence.

Next came the Candy Man, Johnny Sweet. His whole body was covered in candy like growths and smelled of cinnamon. A woman had asked him if he knew the muffin man and laughed. To which he replied, "No, but I know you daughter, and she loves my candy cane!" She stabbed him in the chest multiple times with a corn dog stick........he was lucky to be alive. The nastiness from the corn dog entered his system and he went from smelling sweet, to that of a corn dog batter. Thankfully after a few days of sugar IV's and gum drops, he was back to his old self and taunting moms like his old self.

When we finally had a moment to breath, the Horse Lady, Mrs. Colt, came rushing through the ER doors. When the corn dog outbreak began, Wiley the Large tried to jump on her and ride her out of the circus grounds. She didn't make a 2 feet and fell in pain. She had broken her leg and was in a large amount pain. So, the doctors agreed for a fast painless fix. They wheeled Mrs. Colt outside, gave her a carrot, gently caressed her mane........................and shot her.

And then things got weird......

TO BE CONTINUED

Sir, Please Pull Your Bicycle Over

2009-03-08T00:01:00.002-06:00

Date: Fall 2000

Place: Carbondale, IL SIUC Campus

It was a cold, snowy night in the town of Carbondale. I had just finished a late night fraternity meeting and was heading back to my dorm. I rode my bike to the meeting as I was unaware of the impending snow. As I peddled back to my dorm, the snow really started to come down. I should stop right now and let you know about the usual Josh attire. At the time, like now, I always wore a button up short sleeved shirt with blue jean shorts. Rain or snow, shorts are the way I roll. Back to the story; So, as I peddled my bike down the snowy sidewalk, in my shorts, I saw police lights flash out of the corner of my eye. I looked to my left and heard an officer say through passenger his window, "Sir, can you please pull over."

I was in a bit of stunned amazement as I stopped and got off my bike. The first words out of his mouth where, "Have you been drinking tonight Sir?" I laughed and said,"No Sir." He said he thought I had been drinking as it was snowing like crazy and I was wearing shorts while peddling a bicycle......at night. I laughed yet again and said," No drinking sir, I just always wear shorts and our frat meeting got out late." He gave me the eye as if to see if I was lying, and then gave me a sobriety test. I had to do the walk and the lean the head back and touch my nose. Thankfully, as I was sober, I passed both with playing colors. It was really hard to hold back the laughter as I did the tests. When all was said and done, the officer reiterated why he had stopped. I told him I could see why he did, a man on a bike at night, wearing shorts, and during a large snow fall.

The next day I made the horrible mistake of telling my fraternity friends about the incident. We had a laugh and thought that was the end of it. But, at our fraternity formal in the spring, awards where handed out for various random things. I heard our president say," And now, a very special award. I would like to present Josh Leadbetter with the 2000 Bicycle DUI Award, way to go Josh."

Naturally, my head went down, I laughed, and let out a loud,"arrggg!" I went to the podium, reminded them I 100% sober, and collected my award. To this date, I still get crap from them about my run in with Johnny Law...........on my bicycle.

To Be Wanted

2009-03-05T02:32:00.006-06:00

One of the things I love about xkcd is how they always seem to hit the nail on head. The picture illustrates wanting in it's purest form, as a never ending cycle of wantedness. Sounds wonderful.

Happy Birthday L

2009-03-03T02:32:00.004-06:00

Click Picture for Bigger Version

Happy Birthday Red :)

Some Scotch, a Cigar, and a Sunset

2009-03-01T17:51:00.001-06:00

As I have mentioned before, my memory is still in a state of recovery. One that I'm grateful to still remember in it's fullest, is also one of my fondest. I spent a whole day driving from St. Louis, MO to Asheville, NC.......was a truly long but beautiful drive. I met my friend Brian, or Skillet as we called him...gotta love college nicknames, at his house. We, including his wife Laura, made the most of the time as saw what NC had to offer. Skillet, I must tell you in advance, is a fountain of knowledge. He can tell you the history it seems of anything and your hooked from the first spoken word. We drove through the beautiful country side. It was early when I snapped this photo, it's only 1 of 2 good shots I have ever gotten with a digital camera.

Click it to see the bigger and better version.

When also spent a day at the Biltmore Estate. There we drank some wine, walked throughout this HUGE ass house, had some good food, and did a lot of sight seeing there. But the thing I remember most about the trip was the last night. We went to this nice hotel that had an awesome bar.....drinking in any state is fun. We each got a nice glass of scotch and went to the balcony to sit in a rocking chair that overlooked the landscape. It was cold, but I had brought some Cuban cigar's for us to smoke. This was my view, with Scotch and cigar in hand.

My ass kicking boots.

It's amazing how something so simple can bring the greatest amount of call to ones life. At that time I was going through a ton of personal stuff and could not find a moments peace. Yet on the night, I was able to relax and let the worries of my world chill as I gazed at a sunset. I guess that's all one needs, a Scotch, a Cigar, and a sunset.......or maybe just a variation of those three. :)

Another Time, Another Place

2009-02-28T06:50:00.004-06:00

It was a beautiful summer. The sun was shining and there was a slight breeze in the air. I was nervous as I was about to ask the love of my life to marry me. She was on her way over and I was frantically thinking of ways of popping the question. I didn't know a fancy way to ask her, but all I wanted was her to be in my life till the end of time.

We had met many years ago and became good friends. She was the light when the sky turned to darkness. I was the shoulder she needed to cry on. I remember the first time we held hands and the first time we kissed. From the first day our eyes met, I knew she was the one. Simply thinking of her made my heart skip a beat.

As she entered the door I gave her the warmest hug known to man. I told her I loved her and that she was the missing piece in my life. She simply smiled and said. "I love you." I smiled back and said "I love you too." I dropped to one knee and pulled out the ring. Without saying a word, she said started to cry and said, "yes". We embraced yet again, this time with a ring on her finger, and new bright future ahead of us.

"Sometimes the memories that give us the greatest hope,
haven't even happened yet."
- Josh Leadbetter

For Lauren

2009-02-26T03:06:00.004-06:00

It could happen!

My friend Lauren has had a rough year. First she breaks her arm, had some drama with an ex, and is still under the weather from a horrible kidney infection. She needs a break so here's hoping that comes soon. If ya have a sec, swing by her site, and drop some positive goodness.

CLICK!

2009-02-22T00:26:00.006-06:00

So I am still in a bit of a damn fine mood since post yesterday. Why? Well, I hit a milestone with my Mirror Project. Yesterday at work when I weighed myself, the scale scale 347 pounds. I thought the scale was dirty liar, so I did it again....same result. I have not been in that neighborhood since I left college. I was overjoyed and was hoping beyond hope that I had brought a camera with me to work. Of course, I never do, so I had not. So I figured I would take a mental picture. I closed my left eye, put an imaginary camera to my right eye, and said "CLICK". Thankfully no one was watching.

I then spent the rest of the night in smug mode.

Only Red Dwarf fans will get the reference

So, even though last night work wise was so so and this night is sucking beyond all meaning of the word suck, my mood is better than ever. I know that breaking the 350 barrier is one the hardest things I had to do. I'm over the hill staring at 300. Once I round that corner I will be within a stones throw of the finish line, 275.

- Josh "Dam Glad to Meet Ya" Leadbetter

Eric Stratton, Rush Chairman

2009-02-20T23:42:00.003-06:00

"Damn Glad to Meet You."

Sorry for the impromptu Animal House reference, but I am in a damn fine mood.

- Josh

The Mirror Project

2009-02-18T00:48:00.004-06:00

On December 16th I awoke from a horrible nights sleep. I was getting up and wasn't quite awake when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My own mind didn't recognize this person. It was if I was looking through a window and had caught the eye of a total stranger. The man before me was overweight, sad, and seemed to be a shell of his former self. I felt terrible for this person, and then it hit me. It wasn't a stranger, it was me. Years of mental distress had lead to complete decline in myself. Whenever I was sad or down, I ate. Food filled the void left from an unstable mind. I knew I could not continue to live like this and things had to change. I needed to fix my body, but at the same time attempt to fix my mind. So I worked on some equations.

I figured that when I was sad or depressed my body suffered. I.E. Mental decline lead to a decline in me body. So I theorized that if I lost weight my mind might improve. I.E. the Improvement in ones body could affect and/or increase ones mental well being.

So, could I lose weight in an effort to be healthy, but also regain my mind?

I started that day. I went online to figure out what amount of calories I needed to eat to lose weight at a healthy level. I started a journal to keep track of my thoughts and feeling. I also kept a strict record of the calories I ate everyday. So where am right now.

At my heaviest I was 401 pounds. I can smile now and say that as of today, I am 351 pounds. I'm averaging around 20 pounds a month as I had lost a little before I started this. My pants are hanging off me and I have been having to punch new holes in belt.

And my mind? I have noticed that I seem to be happier. I still have days of depression and sadness, but those days seems lighter when compared to days of happiness. Memories once lost are starting to come back. When I feel down, I do to the gym and walk a mile or two on the treadmill instead of eating. I have noticed an improvement with my mind, but time will tell. I plan to continue this project till June 5th, my 27 birthday. If all is still going well, it will cease to be a project and be a lifestyle.

I want to be able to look in mirror, know that it's me, and be happy to see what I see. A simple attempt to reverse the damage I have done in an attempt to salvage my mind and body. That is the Mirror Project.

What If

2009-02-17T03:05:00.002-06:00

"The path to misery is lined with the steps of "what if?"."

- Josh Leadbetter

The nagging and eternal question that is "What if?". Once pondered in an attempt to right a social or personal wrong, it has since been reduced to a tool of personal and mental damnation. The constant questioning of past events and/or ones decisions, can make ones life a living hell. When one is thinking "What if?" the easiest solution is to remind ones self that there is no way to change a previous decision or past event. All one can do is live with these choices and the resulting consequences. After enough time, one may find peace with what they have chosen. If not, this unrest is just natures way of saying you screwed up, now live with it.

After years of asking "what if?", my mind has finally found an ounce of peace with some unwise past choices. I no longer question, but simply live with the choices I have made. They were not perfect but that is life. Also I am also finding a bit of piece with myself via My Mirror Project. With my next post I promise to explain what this is and what all has happened. I'm almost halfway through this project, and I think it is one of the greatest things to ever happen in my life.

- Josh

Happy Valentines Day

2009-02-14T00:28:00.001-06:00

Happy Valentines everyone.

The Doctor's Wife by The Clockwork Quartet

2009-02-10T05:35:00.004-06:00

One thing I love is great music. Another thing I love is all things Steampunk. Never in my wildest dreams to I ever think the two cross. While I'm not sure if this quartet is pure Steampunk or not, I know I love their look and there music. So much so I took the time to upload a song with a picture to YouTube. My first video on YouTube....ironic as its not really a video but just music. But, whatever must be done to spread the word right! I hope you like this song of theirs called The Doctor's Wife. I love it and have listened to it a ton of times. It's pretty, paints a beautiful picture, and puts my mind in a place and time. So, straight out of London, I give you the Clockwork Quartet. Enjoy.

The Clockwork Quartet

Thought Provoking and Borrowed

2009-02-07T21:42:00.006-06:00

It's nice to borrow a nice idea from time to time. I borrowed this my cousin Janna who in turn had borrowed it from Barbara. Thought provoking sentence prompts, your given the beginning, you finish the rest.

Outside my window... is where one of my fondest memories took place.

I am thinking... of whether or not to go my Fraternity formal in April.

I am thankful for... all that I have lost and all that I have gained.

From the kitchen... masterpieces of food are ordered and games of great mental strength are played.

I am wearing... the usual Josh work attire; glasses, khaki pants, button up shirt, and smile.

I am creating... problems for myself that I don't need right now in my life.

I am going... to take some time and figure out my place in this crazy world....or go to the Scottish Arms.

I am reading... a medical journal about Avian Flu and the lingering problems associated with the various organ functions......just kidding, I'm reading some old Opus comics.

I am hoping... to find a date for Formal if I decide to go.

I am hearing... beeps all around me here at the hospital....I wish I had some freaking ear plugs.

Around the house... there is nothing but love, memories, and cards waiting to be dealt.

One of my favorite things... is holdings hands while eating Quatro's pizza.....or separately if need be and time does not permit.

Plans for [the weekend]... include work and sleeping. Next weekend however, look out.

Children: Angels in Training or the Devil's Rejects?

2009-02-06T02:13:00.011-06:00

"A child can ask questions

that a wise man cannot answer."

- Unknown Author

Their is one group of people that are an enigma to me......children. And this is why; I think these children are smarter then they let on. When your holding a baby and he/she smiles and looks at you, they are not thinking "shiny" or "hungry". I think they are thinking, " I wonder if pork bellies will go above $75 dollars a share?" or "This slender woman and man with the nicely trimmed goatee are OK in my book."

Example of Pure Calculated Evil and/or Genius

We currently have a child on the floor who is between 6-8 months old. The child is on oxygen and doesn't care for it to much. I was in the room with this child when he pulled the little nasal cannula from his nose and pulled it every so gently up to his forehead. I swear after he did this I saw him smile, almost as if he was thinking, "That's how I roll, deal with it." He closed his little eyes and nodded off soon after. I went over and carefully put the oxygen back in his nose. I waited a minute to make sure he would not remove it. Just as I was about to leave the room, I see one of his eyes open. He didn't see me and began to slowly raise his arm up to his nasal cannula. I walked over into his line of sight, and he froze. Cool and collected, he lowered his arm down and closed his eye......as if he was thinking, " I can wait fat man....can you."

Example of Pureness with a Hint of Angelicness

It was in the ER many years ago and I was not in a great mood. Before work I had had a "slight" shaving mishap that resulted in the loss of my trademark goatee. ( I look like I'm 10 years old clean shaved) To make matters worse, the shift was a tad hellish and I was doing on little sleep. I was wearing the standard ER scrubs we had which were green. I was getting ready to head into a patients room. The patient was a child who just barely old enough to speak. As I walked into the room she had her back turned towards me and was standing playing with her mother. I said, "Is this little so and so." (No names, HIPPA rules). She turned around slowly and looked up at me with these huge plate like eyes. I was 6'2" (still am) and was about 340lbs (soon will be again) at the time. Height wise she was just a tad taller than my knee from the ground up. Soon she put all the pieces together; huge, green, clean shaven, a tad crossed, and a giant.

She looked me in the eyes, smiled, and said, "SHREK!".

My heart melted and soon the biggest grin I had ever had began to form. I continued smiling, patted her on the head, and with my best Shrekish accent said, "That will due donkey....that will due." For the rest of her visit I was her Shrek and she was my donkey. To this date, when I think about that day I still smile.

So, if you see a little one smiling at you and it brightens your day, cherish the moment as it will brings you smiles long after its over. But, if you see a little one pointing at you with one eye twitching.......run.....as you may only have seconds to live.

This Has Got To Look So Wrong

2009-01-28T21:36:00.010-06:00

Date: 3 Years Ago
Place: ER, Belleville Memorial Hospital, Belleville, IL

One of the things I loved about working in the ER was doing postmortem care. When a patient passed away, it was usually the job of the EMT to clean up and present the patient in preparation for family viewing. It was always nice to know that in death, a loved one was cared for and looking their best for their family.

I remember doing just that for an elderly man who passed away. Family was on their way and we only had a brief amount of time to get this man ready for family. It usually doesn't take a lot of time to get someone ready. We clean them up and remove tubes/IV's if needed. Well, on this day we were short tech's and I had to do this by myself. The patient was on a backboard and it needed to be removed.

At this time I would like to add a little something about scrubs. They are nice, comfortable, BUT....unless they fit you FLAWLESSLY, scrub pants have a tendency to slide down. If you are ever in an ER or in a medical facility, you will notice a good chunk of people pulling up their pants. The knot you tie in the pants always seems to come undone.

So back to the patient. I rolled him to one side and pulled out that board. When I had him on his side, I placed a shroud (body bag) under him and put a sheet on top of it so family would not see it. This would save time later and he would not need to be moved again. Well, I had to roll him back towards me to get the shroud all the way under. I was positioned at his head and during this last move, my scrub pants started to slip. Thinking fast, I pressed my lower half against the stretcher to catch my pants. It was at this very moment a nurse opened the curtain.

I then said, "Can I have a moment, I'm almost done."

She looked at me with these HUGE eyes and closed the curtain. It was then I realized what she was looking at. A deceased elderly male rolled on his side with his head towards the groin of a man with his scrub pants almost around his knees.

She didn't make eye contact with me for the rest of the night.

At Night at the Genetic Opera

2009-01-22T03:41:00.005-06:00

In the year 2056 - the not so distant future - an epidemic of organ failures devastates the planet. Out of the tragedy, a savior emerges: GeneCo, a biotech company that offers organ transplants, for a price. Those who miss their payments are scheduled for repossession and hunted by villainous Repo Men. In a world where surgery addicts are hooked on painkilling drugs and murder is sanctioned by law, a sheltered young girl searches for the cure to her own rare disease as well as information about her family's mysterious history. After being sucked into the haunting world of GeneCo, she is unable to turn back, as all of her questions will be answered at the wildly anticipated spectacular event: The Genetic Opera

That my friends is Repo! The Genetic Opera. A fantasy/horror musical that came out at the end of 2008 and a movie I had the pleasure of seeing Tuesday. And yes, I said a musical about organ repossession. What made the night even better was the showing was truly a special event. The movies director, a horror icon, and a writer/actor was there to show their movie. They did some Q&A afterwards and signed some autograph's. The director, Darren Bousman, also directed Saw II, Saw III, and Saw IV. These are three of my favorite horror/suspense movies. The dude was down to Earth, friendly, and truly passionate about this movie.

From the movie: Alexa Vega,middle, and Darren,right.

Next I got to met horror icon and nice guy Bill Moseley. Most fans remember him as Otis Driftwood from Rob Zombies House of a 1000 Corpses and the sequel, The Devils Rejects. Bill is one of my favorite actors, horror or not. He always seems to play a dude that you really don't want to f**k with. In this movie he plays an ill tempered son of the founder of the Gene Co.

Bill Moseley as Luigi Largo in Repo!

Last, I got to meet writer and actor Terrance Zdunich. Terrence is an artist on a whole different level. The man was nice, knew his stuff, and treated this project as if it was his baby, which it was. He also has an amazing voice. When he sang, you could hear the ladies in the crowd.....well, lets just say they loved him.

From the movie: Terrence, right, and Paris Hilton, left.

Yes, Paris Hilton was in the movie. But, she actually did a really nice job. When I first heard she was gonna be in this movie, I kind of sighed a bit. However, after seeing her I have since changed my tune. She did a great job and I give her props for it. Other people from the movie you may know include Paul Sorvino and Anthony Head, who all girls remember as Giles from Buffy. Amazingly, everyone in this movie sings at a point and these two really surprised me. Sorvino and Head have great freaking voices. They really brought the house down and made the movie that much more enjoyable.

Giles will f**k you up!

So, when all was said I done, I had two autographs on my Repo! DVD, bought the day before. Sadly I missed getting Terrance's due to time issues. But, I did end up seeing a great movie, the crowd singing, and was able to listen to some great Q&A from the 3 men mentioned above. It was a wonderful night and I can't stress enough my love for this movie. Opera's about love, dysfunctional families, and organ repossession aren't for everyone, but it if is, go out and get this movie. And if you have the chance to see it in a theater like I did, do it.

People have compared this movie to Rocky Horror, but in my opinion, this movie is vastly superior. I can't wait to watch it again.

What To Do Now

2009-01-20T09:44:00.003-06:00

"When one door closes another door opens; but we so often
look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door,
that we do not see the ones which open for us."
- Alexander Graham Bell

The above quote is special to me and has a lot of meaning. I have spent a great deal of time gazing at a closed door. It was closed, boarded up, and left to gather dust. As time has passed I have come to realize that I have spent to much time at this door. As the years have slowly moved along, I have tried in vain to leave this reminder of a past failure. I had hoped it would one day open again and sadly I know this will never happen.

It's time to leave. It's time to move on. As I pick myself up off the floor, I stop and think about what lies ahead. Uncertainty, unfamiliar ground, and daily reminders of a past riddled with poor decisions.

Oh well. That's life right. When one messes up, all you do is hope forgiveness finds you one day. And instead of kicking you in the balls, she gives you a hug and says everything is ok.

I'm still waiting for that hug. Guess I just gotta wait some more.

It Seemed Like a Great Idea at the Time

2009-01-17T01:04:00.002-06:00

Time: 3 Years Ago-ish

Place: ER, Belleville Memorial, Belleville IL

I was 10 hours into a 12 hours shift in the ER. I had just spent the first 8 hours working my ass off and was gonna be spending my last 4 hours as a secretary. I was sitting at my desk when someone called my name. I said "what" and they said can you help me move this patient. It was a man strapped to a backboard, fully trauma packaged. He was drunk and had hit a telephone pole with his car. As we moved him, stretcher and all, from the EMS stretcher to our bed, I heard a rip. After he was successfully moved, I began to look about myself for the source of this rip. Naturally I looked to my backside first as we as a race tend to rip clothes in that area first. Thankfully after much grabbing and pants fondling, the rip was no where about my bottom. I did however find a 6 inch tear on my scrub pants on the right thigh.

Needless to say, I was really bummed. Why? No two pair of scrubs are the same. They may say Small, Medium, and Large, but no two scrubs, marked the same, are the same. So, despondent over losing the best fitting scrub pants ever, I decided to try and fix the rip in my pants. If I had a needle and thread I could just sew them. But with only a few hours left, I just need something temporary just to get me home. Then, a light bulb went off. I could staple the rip shut. They had just finished working on a patient and had an unused medical stapler at my disposal.

Looked like this.

I figured I could put a couple of staples in to close the rip, and sew it better later at home. Naturally I thought this was the greatest idea ever. So I aligned both sides of the rip together, it was perfect. And then, when all was perfect, I clicked the handle and the first staple went in.

It wasn't to long after I did this, maybe a second or so, I learned something REALLY importance. I had a moment of greatness get shot down by a moment of true stupidity.

I had just stapled my scrubs to my leg.

The pain wasn't to bad, I had had worst. The mental pain however was overflowing. A man who could read the intricate rhythms of the human heart, put dislocated bones back in socket.....had just stapled his pants to his leg.

I ended up throwing those pants away when I got home. The rip was easy to repair. The blood stains however, didn't want to come out.

A Plug, An Update, and a Rabbi Walk into a Bar

2009-01-13T08:33:00.008-06:00

First, the plug. One of my friends at work, Troy Theisen, is respiratory therapist. He's also a musician, a seller of fine movies, and now, a published author. This book, The Animator, is the first book of many of books he's writing in his Amulet of the Rainbow series. Here at the link is a synopsis for this first book from Amazon.com.

Sounds cool huh. I think one of the coolest feelings would be just to see something one has done being sold on a major site. You can also find this cool book at Barnes and Nobles. Troy is working on a blogger page to promote his new baby and I wish he the best in his literary adventure. Grats again man and keep the books coming. On a side note, I am eagerly waiting to plug my cousin Janna's book as soon as it gets published. Soon.....soon.....

What else is going on? Besides some steady progress with My Mirror Project, not much. In my next post I will explain in detail all I am doing and what exactly is this project. Work is really getting to me. Not the people, as they are wonderful and great at what they do. But the public once again is pissing my off. I "left" my last job, which was as an EMT in the ER, after losing patience with a public that can't wipe it's own ass. Everything has to be handed to them, we have to take care of their problems, and give in to their addictions. But I digress, I am getting to a point where the greatest thing would be a desk job in a basement guarding a stapler.

I can totally see myself as an old man, sitting on my front porch, yelling at kids to get off my lawn.

Anyway, as I digress yet again, not a whole lot going on. Besides being a tad burned out, life is grand and I think these next few months are gonna be fun. I hope that everyone is having an interesting 2009. Have a great week dudes/dudettes.

Slow Dancing

2009-01-10T01:11:00.009-06:00

Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round,
or listened to rain slapping the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight,
or gazed at the sun fading into the night?

You better slow down, don't dance so fast,
time is short, the music won't last.

Do you run through each day on the fly,
when you ask "How are you?", do you hear the reply?

When the day is done, do you lie in your bed,
with the next hundred chores running through your head?

You better slow down, don't dance so fast,
time is short, the music won't last.

Ever told your child, we'll do it tomorrow,
and in your haste, not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch, let a friendship die,
'cause you never had time to call and say hi?

You better slow down, don't dance so fast,
time is short, the music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere,
you miss half the fun of getting there.

When you worry and hurry through your day,
it's like an unopened gift thrown away.

Life isn't a race, so take it slower,
hear the music before your song is over.

- David Weatherford

I'm not gonna lie, out of the memories I can muster, slow dancing brings the most smiles and joy. Hearing something classy and beautiful while in the presence of true beauty, make my heart skip a beat. Below are some songs I one day wish to slow dance to. Jazz as always is high on the list as it can make any perfect situation, better. So, take a second with the one you love, turn up the music, and slow dance before it is just a memory.

Have a slow dance on me my friends. :)

La Vie en Rose as done by Louis Armstrong

Can't Help Falling in Love by Elvis Presley

Pachelbel's Canon in D Major

Unchained Melody by the Righteous Brotheres

Faithfully by Journey

Amazed by Lonestar

Changes by Black Sabbath

Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin

So like I said, take a second and have a slow dance on me.

A New Year

2009-01-05T23:56:00.016-06:00

"It's not so much that we're afraid of change or so in love with the

old ways, but it's that place in between that we fear . . . . It's like

being between trapezes. It's Linus when his blanket is in the dryer.

There's nothing to hold on to."
- Marilyn Ferguson

2009 is here and I can't believe that 2008 is gone. But, I can truly say that I am glad that a new year is upon us. 2008, grand as it was, was filled with some unbelievable highs and pressure crushing lows. 2008 was a year of internal questioning. I had to face facts about about life, my mental decline, and a heart breaking realization about what is true love. I learned some hard lessons about what I thought was right as apposed to what was actually true. I learned that the hardest thing humanly possible is letting true love go. I learned that when life has you down, all you can do is smile and laugh and think about tomorrow. I learned that heaven and hell does exist and it's called life. Life as we know it is precious, full of mystery, and is the greatest gift one can have in this universe. I learned that when life has me down to remember that I have this gift when others have lost it or never given the chance to unwrap it.

2009 will be a year of change and simple solitude. While I don't plan to dissapear from friends and family, I do plan to spend a little more time to myself. I do so in an effort to find some peace with myself and continue working on my Mirror Project. 2009 will not be an easy year, but a year of progression and possibilites. 2009 also see's me moving, weither over seas to family or simply moving to start somewhere anew.

Let the fun begin my friends. May you 2009 be brighter than 2008 and a tad funnier.

Vincent by Tim Burton

2008-12-30T01:14:00.002-06:00

Vincent Malloy is seven years old,

He's always polite and does what he's told.

For a boy his age he's considerate and nice,

But he wants to be just like Vincent Price.

He doesn't mind living with his sister, dog and cat,

Though he'd rather share a home with spiders and bats.

There he could reflect on the horrors he's invented,

And wander dark hallways alone and tormented.

Vincent is nice when his aunt comes to see him,
But imagines dipping her in wax for his wax museum.
He likes to experiment on his dog Abercrombie,
In the hopes of creating a horrible zombie.

So he and his horrible zombie dog,
Could go searching for victims in the London fog.
His thoughts aren't only of ghoulish crime,
He likes to paint and read to pass the time.

While other kids read books like Go Jane Go,
Vincent's favorite author is Edgar Allan Poe.
One night while reading a gruesome tale,
He read a passage that made him turn pale.

Such horrible news he could not survive,
For his beautiful wife had been buried alive.
He dug out her grave to make sure she was dead,
Unaware that her grave was his mother's flower bed.

His mother sent Vincent off to his room,
He knew he'd been banished to the tower of doom.
Where he was sentenced to spend the rest of his life,
Alone with a portrait of his beautiful wife.

While alone and insane, encased in his tomb,
Vincent's mother suddenly burst into the room.
"If you want to you can go outside and play.
It's sunny outside and a beautiful day."

Vincent tried to talk, but he just couldn't speak,
The years of isolation had made him quite weak.
So he took out some paper, and scrawled with a pen,
"I am possessed by this house, and can never leave it again."

His mother said, "You're not possessed, and you're not almost dead.
These games that you play are all in your head.
You're not Vincent Price, you're Vincent Malloy.
You're not tormented or insane, you're just a young boy."

"You're seven years old, and you're my son,
I want you to get outside and have some real fun."
Her anger now spent, she walked out through the hall,
While Vincent backed slowly against the wall.

The room started to sway, to shiver and creak.
His horrid insanity had reached its peak.
He saw Abercrombie his zombie slave,
And heard his wife call from beyond the grave.

She spoke from her coffin, and made ghoulish demands.
While through cracking walls reached skeleton hands.
Every horror in his life that had crept through his dreams,
Swept his mad laugh to terrified screams.

To escape the madness, he reached for the door,
But fell limp and lifeless down on the floor.
His voice was soft and very slow,
As he quoted The Raven from Edgar Allan Poe,

"And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor,
Shall be lifted - Nevermore!"

Thought I would share a written version of Tim Burton's Vincent. You can find the video of his first animated and directing venture over on YouTube. There is someone about seeing it written that truly translates this into something more. Now imagine it being read by Vincent Price....happy days.

A little piece of me to you my friends.

The Wrestler

2008-12-26T23:59:00.009-06:00

Back in the late '80s, Randy "The Ram" Robinson was a headlining professional wrestler. Now, twenty years later, he ekes out a living performing for handfuls of die hard wrestling fans in high school gyms and community centers around New Jersey.

Estranged from his daughter and unable to sustain any real relationships, Randy lives for the thrill of the show and the adoration of his fans. However, a heart attack forces him into retirement. As his sense of identity starts to slip away, he begins to evaluate the state of his life -- trying to reconnect with his daughter, and striking up a blossoming romance with an exotic dancer who is ready to start a new life. Yet all this cannot compare to the allure of the ring and passion for his art, which threatens to pull Randy "The Ram" back into his world of wrestling.

Every once in a while a movie will come out that has me pumped. Sadly, it always seems to be movies that are in limited release. But, when The Wrestler comes to my area or DVD, I will be the first one there. From the buzz going around Hollywood, Mickey Rourke is getting a lot of Oscar talk as is its director, Darren Aronofsky. I hope you have heard of Aronofsky, as he has directed some of the best movies in the last handful of years. Pi, Requiem for a Dream, and one of the most visually beautiful/written movies, The Fountain.

If your up for a good heart warming movie, this is the movie for you. I also recommend at least checking out The Fountain if you have the chance. That movie made my mind open up and blew me away.

Happy Holiday's

2008-12-24T10:35:00.002-06:00

What more needs to be said. Happy Holiday's guys.

Weekend in Review

2008-12-22T08:16:00.005-06:00

Went to a fun party from work. Drank, sang, and defiled someones house. Then, spent a good chunk of the day with a friend. We played cards, ate dinner, and I let her win the first game of cards. :)Then, when all was seeming good, I threw up. I have spent the last 12 hours sleeping in shifts of 2 hours and puking on my carpet........guess great weekends come in 2 and not 3.

So, how you your guys weekend?

A Meticulous Mind Has Needs

2008-12-19T04:51:00.002-06:00

Friends,

I just started work on a fun filled yet highly detailed project. Over the next 6 months I will be meticulously documenting and overseeing this fun filled enigma of awesomeness. What is this mystery project you may ask? Well, you'll just have to wait and see. I plan to throw out random goodies here and there over the next 180 days. Let the fun begin with the tentatively titled Mirror Project.

- Josh

True Peace

2008-12-16T08:43:00.005-06:00

I'm on a island in the middle of the nowhere. I'm sitting in a chair on the beach. and there is a slight cool breeze. I'm the only soul on the whole island and the everything is perfect. I have no phone, no Internet, or any other modern conveniences. I have a little wooden shack where I sleep and it provides plenty of shade. Clean water is abundant and I have the means to catch and cook my my own food. The isolation feels normal and the thought of seeing or conversing with other people never enters my mind. I have found happiness and inner peace.

Ever just wanted to get away from it all?

Movie Import Heaven

2008-12-09T04:31:00.002-06:00

"Listen, when you're giving pain to someone, don't think about

the pain that person is feeling. Just concentrate on how good it

feels to be causing someone pain. That's the best thing

you can do for a true masochist!"

- Kakihara from Inchi the Killer

If there was one good thing to come out of a breakdown, it's change. Years ago, even though I loved all things cinema, there were certain movies I didn't really care for. I never cared for imports, horror, and so called torture movies. Fast forward to the present and one fried mind later, I can't seem to get enough of them. One particular sets of movies I have fallen in love with is the import movie, movies made overseas and over dubbed with either subtitles or English. These movies push the boundaries of the mind as well as what they show you visually. One of my all time favorite movies like this is called Ichi the Killer.

Ai wa, kanari itai. (Love really hurts.)

When a Yakuza boss named Anjo disappears with 300 million yen, his chief henchman, a sadomasochistic man named Kakihara, and the rest of his mob goons go looking for him. After capturing and torturing a rival Yakuza member looking for answers, they soon realize they have the wrong man and begin looking for the man named Jijii who tipped them off in the first place. Soon enough Kakihara and his men encounter Ichi, a psychotic, sexually-repressed young man with amazing martial arts abilities and blades that come out of his shoes. One by one Ichi takes out members of the Yakuza and all the while Kakihara intensifies his pursuit of Ichi and Ichi's controller Jijii. What will happen as the final showdown happens between the tortured and ultra-violent Ichi and the pain-craving Kakihara?

This 2001 movie is English dubbed and well shot. I also have to admit the first time I saw it I was hooked. The visuals are pretty out there, the story simple/to the point, the fight scenes rock, and the gross out factor is pretty impressive. (Think hooks hanging from the ceiling and boiling oil) After I watched this movie and fell in love with it, I read that the director Takashi Miike also made another shocking movie before this that I had heard about called Audition.

She always gets a part.

Seven years after the death of his wife, company executive Aoyama is invited to sit in on auditions for an actress. Leafing through the resumes in advance, his eye is caught by Yamazaki Asami, a striking young woman with ballet training. On the day of the audition, she's the last person they see. Aoyama is hooked. He notes her number from her file, calls her and takes her to dinner. He hesitates to call again, worried that he'll seem too eager. When he does, Asami knowingly lets the phone ring for some time before answering. She's alone in her darkened room - alone, that is, apart from the writhing victim she has tied up in a sack on the floor...

OK, so I got this 1999 movie has English subtitles which I don't mind. The thing that got me about this movie was I could not keep my freaking eyes off the TV screen. I was in suspense the whole time, grossed out of my mind ( I almost thrown up while watching a certain part involving a dog bowl), and I was on the edge of my chair till the very end. I recommend this movie for those who love on the edge of your seat movies but you MUST have an uber strong stomach. Great movie, but truly f'd up.

Last, and one I still need to see, is the 2003 Korean goodie Oldboy. This movie has been on so many people lists of must see movies and it doesn't disappoint like the above 2 movies.

15 years of imprisonment, five days of vengeance.

An average man is kidnapped and imprisoned in a shabby cell for 15 years without explanation. He then is released, equipped with money, a cellphone, and expensive clothes. As he strives to explain his imprisonment and get his revenge, he soon finds out that not only his kidnapper still has plans for him, but that those plans will serve as the even worse finale to 15 years of imprisonment.

Oldboy is in a class of its own. The story keeps you guessing and the torture scenes always make people squirm. (They do something with a claw hammer and a dudes teeth that will make you cry) Oldboy, like the others I have listed, really push the limits off what an audience can see. The gore is out there, the language hard core, and stories keep one guessing even to the very end. I love these kind of movies and if you are a true movie loving fool and have a iron stomach, I recommend these awesome and out there movies.

Short, To the Point, and Hell Yes

2008-12-05T02:00:00.001-06:00

* I saw the new James Bond movie, again, and Twilight with a friend. Bond as per usual rocked my socks off and Twilight was a good movie too. Both of these movies are high on my list of good movies for this year. Add Dark Knight, Wall-E, and Tropic Thunder and we are all good.

* As of late, I have been talking with co-workers, who also have a tattoo/tattoo's, about going out and getting some work done. When all is said and done, I want to have a lot more art on my right arm. Need to just figure out what the heck I want to add. Let's see what else,

* I learned a valuable lesson about county taxes and renewing my car plates......a $400 lesson to be exact about personal property taxes.

* Really looking forward to 2009, still with a possibly of getting the hell out of the area and finding something I've lost but never really had to begin with..........deep huh.....hell yeah.

* In 4 hours I am off for 3 days and dont plan to do jack s**t. I am really looking forward to it.

- Josh

All You Need is a Little Zeppelin and a Penguin

2008-12-02T09:45:00.009-06:00

"You can lead a yak to water, but you can't teach an old

dog how to make a silk purse out of a pig in a poke"

- Opus (Bloom County, by Berkeley Breathed)

The holiday season is always a bit of downer for me. Seeing and hearing everyone spending time with their significant others, does make a single nice guy sigh. But, if there is one thing that brings a smile to my face during the holiday season; besides Filipino hookers with funny names, people who leave things in their Will to pets, and things made in Denmark, it's music set to things I love. One of the things I love most is my favorite comic penguin, Opus. Then double the fun when the music is a mix mash of Led Zeppelin songs. It looks as though this Tuesday will also be a good day.

CLICH HERE to watch it in its sweet wide screen goodness.

*On a side note, I didn't even know my favorite comic character had a Christmas cartoon special made with him and Bill the cat. Does this freaking morning get any better!

Happy Tuesday everyone.

NaNoWriMo and Me

2008-11-30T22:19:00.012-06:00

"Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very;"

your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

- Mark Twain

Today is the last day to finish up on NaNoWriMo and sadly I will not be crossing the finish line (50,000 words). However, I do not look at my experience this month as a failure but as a huge success. When I was in high school I had issue's with spelling, my grammar, and reading in general. And sadly, college was not any better. For the last few years my extent with writing has been an occasional poem or two. So, when a friend suggested NaNo I was a tad *grumble grumble OK*. But after spending some time at a keyboard I was able to open up a once dormant imagination. Here is the short synopsis for my story, Two Teaspoons of Burton.

Dr. Jonathon Landers is your typical lovable loser and nice guy. He's an ER doctor, is in love with one of his best friends, and is obsessed with movies made by Tim Burton. Jon likes to apply his knowledge and love of Burton's movies to everyday situations and uses there meanings to get those he loves through various their problems . Everything in his eyes can be solved with two teaspoons (helpings) of Tim Burton.

I am not gonna lie, I had fun doing this for NaNo and am looking forward to finishing it. The only problems I had were the stories I told sometimes came to close to home. I used a lot of my past experiences in love, medicine, and movies which make for a funny tale, but sometimes brings up old memories. But overall I'm loving where this is going and look forward to letting friends read. For anyone else who did NaNo, way to go. For all you writers out there, you have my respect. Love ya guys.

Happy Thanksgiving

2008-11-27T02:45:00.000-06:00

What else really needs to be said. Love ya guys

Music Monday

2008-11-24T08:44:00.007-06:00

"Great music evokes a response, your emotions,

and an urge to whip out a lighter."

- Josh Leadbetter

Music thankfully is a love of mine that will never fade or leave me. When I hear a song that strikes a cord, I like to share it in the hopes that it may strike a similar cord in someone else. I was listening to Bob and Tom today and that had Staind in the studio promoting a new album. They were asked to play some songs from their new album and they played a song called Tangled Up In You. After I heard it I had to pause as it struck a past cord and made me remember some things once forgotten.

Music.....the greatest memory aid known to man. :)

Enjoy and have a great Monday guys, love ya

All of Life's Problems Can Be Solved with a Scottish Pub

2008-11-19T00:48:00.030-06:00

"Oh Lord, we do not ask you to give us wealth.

But show us where it is!"

- Scottish Prayer

I was lying on my bed when I got a phone call. It was my friend L and she inquiring about my day and if I had eaten or not. I said the day was OK and that no, I had not eaten. She asked if I wanted to get some grub and like a typical man, I said "food good". We starting thinking about places to go when she through out my Kryptonite. "Hey," she said, "wanna go to the Scottish Arms? The food is great and it's really warm." I perked up and had to admit the only words I that registered were "Scottish Arms" and "Food Warm". I immediately said "yes please" and we were off to the Arms.

The Scottish Arms is a true Scottish Pub just it's here in St. Louis. It's the one bar I feel home at and wish I could go there more often. Anyway, we get there and get seated. I get the Fish and Chips while she gets the Shepard's Pie......a true Scottish meal. And while we were ordering I fell in love with this place even more. I asked the waiter, who rocked, about recommending a nice Scotch ( I loves me a good Scotch) and the waiter says, "You wanna see the Scotch menu?" I said, "You have a menu JUST for Scotch?". To which he relied, "Yes, we have a ton of Scotch's and we put them on a huge menu." My friends, on the outside I was cool, calm, and collected. But on the inside, I was crying like a little fat kid who had stumbled upon a valley of chocolate tree's!

Like this but substitute the litter for Scotch

and the tear from sadness for happiness.

So he gives me the menu and I calmly look through the pages. I refrain from jumping up and down and act as though I have done this before. I ask for a recommendation for a nice Scotch that wouldn't bankrupt me. ( A great Scotch costs a great amount of money) I ended up get a very nice ounce and half of Scotch that was $15. Yep, an ounce and a half for $15, and you know what, it was worth every penny. I saw some on there that were anywhere from $20 - $40 for an ounce, and I can't wait to try them...all! This menu was like 10+ pages......happy happy Josh.

There should be a step in between Do Not Hurt and
Do Not Accept Defeat, and that step is Scotch

After the meal, which was awesome and included hot apple crisp for desert, we finished the night like all true Scotsmen do. No, no fighting or public urination, instead we left our tables and headed a few feet to the bar for a pint. I had a Guinness, from the freaking tap btw, and she had an Irish Coffee. The only thing better than coffee, is alcohol and coffee. T'was a good night my friends and wish you could have been there. If any of you are ever in the St. Louis region, shoot me an email and the first pint's on me.

My hero

RISE FROM THE ASHES MY PHOENIX!!!!

2008-11-16T04:30:00.019-06:00

“It's best to have failure happen early in life. It wakes up the
Phoenix bird in you so you rise from the ashes.”
- Anne Baxter

My Phoenix has FINALLY risen from the ashes. If you don't get the Phoenix reference, please CLICK HERE. You got it, good. OK, so I have this computer (the Phoenix) which has been giving me grief for over a year. My problems started with a virus that made me have to reboot from scratch and I lost all that I had on my PC.

Well, after I rebooted it, it told me I had to authenticate my Windows, and I all needed to do was click. Well, something happened and it wouldn't let me click. It wouldn't have been so bad except that after 30 days of not being able to click, I had to reboot from the beginning....again. Now imagine doing this every month and losing all the crap you had on your PC. Frustrated and near homicidal are the only words that can describe what I was feeling.

Well, thankfully after a night of playing on the Windows site and cruising through the many pages of help, I was finally able to authenticate my Windows though the web site. I have my baby back. No more losing info and not being able to store crap on the computer.

Enjoy your Sunday guys and gals because Monday is tomorrow :) If ya need me, I'm gonna be playing some Warcraft.

Remember, you are not safe.....anywhere.

2008-11-14T20:07:00.010-06:00

We sadly are reminded on a daily basis that violence is everywhere around us. I don't understand us as a race. We are at the top of the food chain but we act and think as though we are on the bottom rung. When did we as a society revert to baser animal ways?

All I can think to myself is I am grateful I do not have a child growing up in this world. I have the greatest respect and love for my friends who have little ones and that they raise them to be good people. The thing that scares me the most is I fear one day when I read about them or see them on the TV, it will not be because of something wonderful they did, but because they were the victim of a terrible crime.

Are we finally at the point in society were the evil is greater than the good? I think we are pretty close.

- Josh

p.s. Sorry for the bummer of a blog, but this came about as I look on and wait for news about a developing story involving a hospital shooting/standoff. It's a hospital I am familiar with and hope when all is said and down that everything is OK. It just don't us anymore.

UPDATE

Sadly the story I was following involving the shooting at the hospital has ended badly. A man shot and killed his estranged girlfriend at this hospital were she worked and then he was shot and killed by the SWAT team. I am truly saddened in this loss of life but am glad to see the man responsible is dead.

Random Thoughts

2008-11-11T22:44:00.016-06:00

First and forth most, happy veterans days. I salute all those who have served, are serving, or will serve this courty. I tip my hat and offer the greatest respect for those who gave their lives defending this country. I salute you all.

Second, does the first night back from being off an extended period of time always suck? I was off for 5 days which was really freaking sweet. I "attempted" to relax as I was stressed out of my mind. When all was said and done, I was still a tad stressed but not to the extreme that I once was. Anyway, so I'm back at work, kids are overflowing from the ER, I'm floating to another floor for 4 hours, and the hospital in general is getting it's ass handed to it. Weird as it may seem, I seem to be enjoying this state of chaos and maybe, just maybe, it's causing me to de-stress a tad. Weird as hell ain't it?!?

Third, the funeral that I went to for my uncle Norman was very nice. He was a veteran and it was great to hear someone play TAPS and to see the serviceman to their thing. They were awesome and made us remember that this man had done everything for his country. It somber though as it made me realize that my uncles and aunts are in the 60's and 70's. Hell, my own father is 53 and I only have 1 grandparent left. Boy, the years are flying by my friends, make sure you make time to see family and friends before they are gone.

Fourth, know that I love you all and hope to see ya soon :)

A Week of Fun, Sadness, and Movies

2008-11-06T07:52:00.008-06:00

"In the beginning it was fun. In the end, it was all for fun.

And in between is where it tickles most."

I just finished a stressful stretch at work and now have 5 days off. You have no idea how much I am looking forward to being off. I wish I could say that my days ahead were all fun but that is not the case. I have to attend my uncle's funeral tomorrow. We lost one last year and it's really hitting home that we are now at the point in our lives when life stops giving and starts taking. (yes i know its a quote from Indiana Jones IV) But, it's true. On a more positive note though, I have have the place to myself for 3 days and plan to watch some movies and see about getting a fine lady to spend the night. So, wish me fun with the movies and don't bother wasting that luck on the lady :)

Love ya guys

Stressed to the Max

2008-11-03T03:31:00.008-06:00

"The man who doesn't relax and hoot a few hoots voluntarily,

now and then, is in great danger of hooting hoots and standing

on his head for the edification of the pathologist and

trained nurse, a little later on. "

- Elbert Hubbard

So, as you can guess by the heading and quote (which is one of my new favs) I'm stressed to the max. A few hectic nights and the fact that everyday I have to deal with stupid people and not be able to tell them they're stupid, has my blood pressure cooking. In 3 hours I will be off work for one day, after working 3, then come back for a few more nights of fun till I get a nice stretch off. Hope everyone has a great Monday and that the week ahead is fun and stress free. Love ya guys.

NaNoWriMo has begun.

2008-11-01T05:01:00.004-05:00

What is NaNoWriMo?

"National Novel Writing Month is a fun, seat-of-your-pants approach to novel writing. Participants begin writing November 1. The goal is to write a 175-page (50,000-word) novel by midnight, November 30."

50,000 words is really tough for a man whose ideal book has more pictures than words. I'm gonna do the best I can and try to finish. So far after almost 5 hours of writing, I have almost 900 words. My now this will be made a little easier knowing that my friend L is doing it along side me.

Anyone else doing NaNoWriMo?

Halloween Fun

2008-10-29T12:06:00.003-05:00

Halloween is almost upon us and thankfully I will be able to go to a party this year. After much toil and angst, I have decided to go as..............

Ya figure it out yet? I got my Cubs jersey, a crying towel, and a hangmangs noose........I'm the Cubs in the post season! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. This does hurt me too as I am a Cubs fan and I HATE things being around my neck. But I think I will get a laugh or two as I'm near plenty of Cardinals fans.

How about you guys, what are you gonna be for Halloween?

What's New With Me

2008-10-27T04:17:00.001-05:00

Absolutely nothing.

Have a great week guys.

Loathing Technology and Lazy People

2008-10-23T11:06:00.011-05:00

I know I haven't posted much as of late simply for the fact of not wanting to spend all my time on the net. With that said I have come to a conclusion most of you already now and have come to except....

People today are slaves to technology

I would love to go one freaking day without seeing someone attached to cell phone or walking around with that f**king blue tooth ear piece just waiting for a call so they can talk. I would love to drive without knowing that someone close was also checking there email while they drove. We live in a time when most people don't know how to change a tire if they have a flat. People have forgotten how to do the most basic of tasks and instead rely on technology to get there fat asses out of doing something. WTF would these people do if the network these phones and devices ran on went down for a long period of time? Can you say mass suicide....I can.

Now don't get me wrong, technology has come a long way and great things have been done to help humanity. But for the love of god does everything nowadays have to take the human factor out of it? I'm waiting for the day when someone invents something that will exercise for you. Something that will also wipe your ass for you and take the human factor out of humanity.

For the love of god people, get out and turn off the freaking cell phones. If you want to chat with someone, get together and reminisce. Life is short and walking around with a cell phone ear piece makes you look like a douche.

P.S. I read a story about a woman who was out in the wild and locked herself out of her car. And after two days in the cold, she sadly froze to death. Here is the kicker, her keys were locked inside her car.................and she didn't have enough common sense to break the window, get keys, and leave to save her life. This is the same kind of person who if their remote car door opener was dead, wouldn't have enough common sense just to use the key.

We live in sad pathetic times.

Cinematic Love

2008-10-20T00:57:00.014-05:00

"Now cracks a noble heart.

Good-night, sweet prince;
And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest."

- Hamlet, Act V, scene ii

I have given my heart twice in my life to someone/something; once to a woman, and the other to the cinema. The cinema has a way of entertaining and educating that can't be topped. One particular movie I fell in love with and learned from was the 1996 version of Hamlet directed by and staring Kenneth Branagh. The first time I saw it I was kind of confused but at the same time extremely interested. Later when I watched it again, I understood more and found a liking for this movie. It's true that Shakespeare is easily applied to the movie format, but Branagh was able to do it. His version of Hamlet is regarded as the best cinematic adaptation of the story to date. I think if Shakespeare were around to see it, he would be pleased.

Sorry, just bought this 4 hour masterpiece on DVD and had to share the goodness. Can't wait for it to arrive and enjoy a classic time. Love ya guys. :)

What I'm Not

2008-10-18T07:50:00.001-05:00

I am not a ninja from xkcd. :)

One Wish Wednesday

2008-10-15T21:03:00.010-05:00

I am gonna tell you of more practical wishes I wish would come true. We could all wish for a million dollars, world peace, or that all the Beatles were alive and well and touring. Sadly, that is not the case. We need wishes that maybe, might, or could come true. If you want to play along, cool! Here is my wish for this new installment of O.W.W.

Wish - I wish I had a muse in my life.

"In Greek mythology, the Muses are a sisterhood of goddesses or spirits, their number set at nine by Classical times, who embody the arts and inspire the creation process with their graces through remembered and improvised song and stage, writing, traditional music, and dance." - Wikipedia

I wish I had a muse, a beautiful being overflowing with inspiration and creativity. A simple wish sadly for a simpier time.......sigh.

Lack of Updates = Good Things

2008-10-13T21:20:00.004-05:00

"How we spend our days is, of course,

how we spend our lives."

- Annie Dillard

It wasn't to long ago I noticed that I spent way to much time on the Internet. When one is planted in front of a computer screen all day, you see life growing in everything except you. I made a pledge a little while back to spent less time on the net and more time in life. I have logged some real miles on my truck ( I love driving and stopping where/when I feel like it) and seen some great places. My mind, as it where, seems pleased and happy.

But, am I still yet incomplete. I have to yet to find that which makes me whole. So instead of sitting around and waiting, I gonna do my damnedest to get out there and make this nice guy known. This man, is going out. :)

Another Borrowed Blog

2008-10-10T19:35:00.022-05:00

For the last few days I have not been feeling that great. I have been in no mood to be on the net and have been sleeping like crazy (I slept for over 15 hours one day) . But, feeling a need to blog, I have borrowed a short blog meme from my friend L who in turn had borrowed it from someone else. Here we go.

6 Weird/Random Things About Me

1. As a kid I wanted to be a ventriloquist. I even had a dummy and used to practice with him all the time. To this date, I'm still not to shabby at it.

2. Had chicken pox's twice as a child.

3. I still believe that one day I while find my one true love.

4. Went through a knitting phase in high school. Actually came in handy as my father and I at the time re-enacted the Revolutionary War and we used it for various period items.

5. I'll say it, I love Murder She Wrote.........there....I said it.

6. Alan Moore and Edgar Allen Poe are my favorite authors.

Farewell Opus

2008-10-08T22:08:00.003-05:00

This just in: The bowtie-wearing, tuba-playing, onetime vice presidential candidate on the National Radical Meadow Party ticket is headed for that great comic strip in the sky; cartoonist Berkeley Breathed announced today that he is giving up his Sunday comic strip Opus to focus on children's books instead.

That announcement signals the end of Opus, the charming penguin who has entertained comics readers for nearly 30 years, starting with Bloom County. Though Breathed has retired the character before, this time, he says, he means it.

"I'll be leaving Opus in a way that it should be very clear that this time there's no going back home," says Breathed.

Opus was always my favorite comic. He was a penguin and lovable tuba playing loser who was always the butt of the joke. I always seemed to identify with him and he always made me laugh. Good bye my friend and thank god for the printed goodness.

Rain Rain Go Away

2008-10-07T07:19:00.004-05:00

So I went to bed early last night in the hopes of getting up and starting another fun filled day. I showered, put on my clothes (always helps), and proceeded to walk out the front door. It wasn't until I was almost to my car that realized that it was raining. Cue sad panda face. I think this is either the weather gods having a little fun with me or maybe some Karma humbling me a little. A few days ago I learned that a girl, one who had treated my like crap, was pregnant and her world was was so peachy. For the first time in my life I laughed and said, wait goes around comes around. I had a huge shit eating grin on my face most of the weekend and do think I was enjoying her pain a little much. Oh well, another chance to go the zoo has again been postponed and I will have to find another way to enjoy this day.

I leave you with WTF in sign language, have a great day guys.

Suggestions for a Tea Party

2008-10-05T00:13:00.000-05:00

“"If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?”

- from Alice in Wonderland

I haven't read Alice in Wonderland or Through the Looking Glass since I was in middle school. I'm not sure if it's the appeal of a simply yet wonderful story or the fact that I hate reading books with small print and no pictures. But I digress, I need your help. As my mind is up to the task of reading, I need some recommendations.

If you were going to recommend a book or two to a wayward soul whose mind is yearning for literature, what books would you tell them, "You HAVE to read this!" ?

Nightmare Revisited

2008-10-04T06:47:00.006-05:00

As some of you know, I have a thing for Tim Burton/Danny Elfman and the masterpiece that is The Nightmare Before Christmas. I have always loved this movie and look forward to it being re shown in theaters around Halloween and Christmas time. A while ago, they released some songs from the movie as sung by people like Panic at the Disco, Fiona Apple, and Marilyn Manson. It was a good cd and I liked it.

Well, to my suprise, the have done it again. They have gotten some great acts to sing the songs from the movie and it's called Nightmare Revisited. I must say, DAM this is awesome. Below are a few of the songs. Enjoy :)

Sally’s Song by Amy Lee (just beautiful)

Kidnap Santa Claus by KORN (dark and nice)

Making Christmas by Rise Against

What’s This by Flyleaf

Putting the Mental Wheels in Motion

2008-10-02T03:07:00.015-05:00

My mind has been a flurry of thought recently. Whether pondering Chaos Theory and if it can apply to certain unorthodox situations or wondering if Einstein had correctly defined insanity; he defined it as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. The ability for the human to think and rationalize in or outside the box fascinates me. Currently my mind is swimming in a sea of ideas ranging for the effects of pain medicine on the brain while in REM sleep or whether black and white photography is superior to color photography. But right now, at this very second, that which is troubling most is this....

Is the only thing that separates a thong from a g-string, and visa versa, a small triangular piece of fabric in the back side?!?! Do we really need two different names for practically the same thing?

Discuss amongst yourselves.

One Wish Wednesday

2008-10-01T00:09:00.000-05:00

Wish - Instead of voting with a computer, votes will be tabulated

via kick to the groin.

Here is how it will work and I'll use the current presidential election as a example. We will have the candidates stand side by side. If you want to vote for Obama, you will give McCain a hard kick to the groin. If you want to vote for McCain, you will give Obama a hard kick to the groin. The candidates will travel from city to city getting there votes. At the end of the year, the person with the lowest amount of kicks to the groin is the popular candidate and the winner. This will be done for all elected positions. If you want the job that bad, prove it!

Rain and Time Restraints

2008-09-30T11:40:00.006-05:00

Sadly my trip to the zoo didn't happen. It started to rain and I only had a set amount of time as I needed to get back on a nigh schedule. Freaking rain and time restraints, hum bug! But the day was not a total waste. I was able to eat some great homemade food (lasagna), play a game of cards with the folks, and was able to acquire a new computer for free; laptop goodness. So all and all, not a bad end to 5 days off. Back to the grind tonight for a couple of days then a couple of days off.

Hope that everyone is having a great week so far, love ya.

A Weekend To Remember

2008-09-29T00:17:00.012-05:00

I had an incredible weekend, one that I haven't had in quite some time. I went to The Laumeier Sculpture Park in St. Louis with my friend L. Imagine a park with sculptures everywhere and all you do is walk around and look at art. I love museums and spending time gazing at art, so this was out of this world cool.

A sculpture called Redwood I at Laumeier

After spending some time there, we headed to see the SLU men's soccer team play for homecoming weekend. The match was awesome and we went on to win 3-0. Halftime was also cool as they had fireworks to celebrate the hundred years of the Billiken, the SLU mascot.

GOOOOOOAAAAAALLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!

After the game, we headed to Vito's, an Italian place with great pizza. I relaxed, enjoyed great food with a great friend, and thought of the day I had just had. Great weekends like that don't happen that often, and boy did I enjoy it. I can only hope that maybe the next one I have, I will be able to enjoy it while holding someones hand and holding them close as the night gets colder. Either way, great weekends are simply awesome.

Love ya guys, have a great Monday. :)

P.S. That was on Saturday and it helps to fill you in on the other days lol. The rest of the weekend I was able to drive around in my car. When I found a place I wanted to stop at, I just stopped and relaxed. Very cool. I also was able to make a pretty kick ass dinner for me and a friend which was really tasty. Later today I'm gonna head to the Zoo and enjoy my last of 5 days off before I head back to work Tuesday night. Gonna take my camera and get some get pictures for the next blog.

A Borrowed Blog

2008-09-27T04:13:00.010-05:00

Travis borrowed this blog from his friend, and now I have borrowed it from them. Let's ride!

A: Accent: Just one word, yesterday, for some reason I say as though I still live Georgia. Sounds like yesterdee. lol
B: Breakfast or no Breakfast: No breakfast, working nights.
C: Chore I hate: Vacuuming, god I hate that
D: Dog or Cat: Dog
E: Essential Electronics: Computers. F*** cell phones!
F: Favorite Perfume: I love when a lady has Very Sexy on. Oh god that smells great.
G: Gold or Silver: Silver, guy thing.
H: Handbag I carry most often: I grew out of that phase.
I: Insomnia: Since high school. Nothing you can do about it.
J: Job Title: Medical Secretary.
K: Kids: Someday hopefully
L: Living Arrangement: Moving next summer. Currently at home with my folks due to my dad's health which is better.
M: Most admirable trait: Great listener
N: Naughtiest childhood behavior: Picking my nose.....man those were fun days.
O: Overnight Hospital Stays: Yep, 3 days for a bilateral PNA.
P: Phobias: People putting their hands on my neck.
Q: Quote: "I want to live till I die, no more, no less." - Eddie Izzard
R: Reason to smile: My friends
S: Siblings: One sister
T: Time I wake up: 5:30pm.....love night shift :)
U: Unusual Talent or skill:
V: Vegetable I refuse to eat: Most of em, used to be all of them but I have a friend who's always tried to get me to eat more. Thanks L.
W: Worst Habit: Living in the past.
X: X-rays: Have a had a ton on my lungs and helped hold many a patient in the ER for them.
Y: Yummy Stuff: Chips and French Onion Dip.......tasty
Z: Zoo animal I like the most: Penguin :)

Short and Sweet

2008-09-26T09:06:00.004-05:00

from xkcd

Have a great Friday guys, love ya :)

Countdown to 5 Days Off

2008-09-24T18:45:00.015-05:00

I have just arrived at work and I know it's gonna be a long night. Why? Because when I get off work at 7am, I will be off for 5 freaking days. Since it's gonna be a long night, I'm gonna update my blog every hour. Let the fun begin.

7:00pm : I have to float to another floor for 4 hours as I over lapped with the evening secretary. 12 more hours.

8:00pm : Love the Internet, lets me look like I'm working when I'm not. 11 more hours.

9:00pm : Clay Aikens gay.....who knew? Still chilling like a villain. 10 more hours.

10:00pm : Lohan said she has been dating a woman.....who cares? Still cool. 9 more hours.

11:00pm : Back on my floor, got to relax for 4 hours on another floor and of course as soon as I returned I have stuff to do. Still peachy. 8 more hours.

Midnight : I smell poop.....I hope its not me. Happy and thoughtful. 7 more hours.

1:00am : Toasted ravioli for dinner....thankfully the poop smell has vanished. Hungry. 6 more hours.

2:00am : Total toasted ravioli devastation...need nap.....poop smell returning, maybe it was me? 5 more hours.

3:00am : 3am and haven't had any new admissions. Thinking about what I will do with my days off. I plan to spend less time on the computer and more time out of the house. Sadly I wish I had someone special to spend the time with. Oh well. 4 more hours.

4:00am : Still no admits which is nice, but have the Lamb Chop song stuck in my head. F**k. 3 more hours.

5:00am : Still no admits, creepy. Can't wait till 6am. Breakfast burrito for this man. Happy and hungry. 2 more hours.

6:00am : HUMBUG!!!!! No breakfast burritos today AND I'm getting an admission! 1 hour to go.

6:30am : Still waiting on my admit with1/2 an hour to go. I need to do my last entry early now. My boss will be in soon and the last think I want her to see is me typing on blogger when I should be leaving. Anyway, gonna be a great 5 days off. Love ya guys.

One Wish Wednesday

2008-09-24T00:13:00.004-05:00

Wish - I wish I could have 30 minutes of complete

and utter silence a day.

We seem to live in a time of beeps, bangs, and other annoying sounds. To make matters worse, when one has an over talkative mind, silence is something seldom seem. And then there are those people, the hair twirlers as I call em. You've seen them, girls, twirling their hair and usually chewing bubble gum. Never once shutting their freaking traps as they seem to think if they quit talking, they might die. For the love of god people, take a second and shut the f*&# up already.

Why can't we just have some freaking silence?

Pure Evil

2008-09-23T02:56:00.008-05:00

"I believe there are monsters born in the world to human parents.... The face and body may be perfect, but if a twisted gene or a malformed egg can produce physical monsters, may not the same process produce a malformed soul?" - John Steinbeck

I have seen and been bitten by the devils offspring.

He's 3 years old and he is mean.

He has no visible horns but might have a tail.

He has the mouth a drunken sailor.

And after he bit me all I could think was,

"I thought the anti-Christ would have been taller."

I was helping hold a 3 year old for an IV and was bitten. The whole time he screamed "I'm gonna F'ing kill you!" 3 years old my friends, 3. We live in sad times my friends. But at least I can say I met the anti-Christ. The spawn of the devil lives in St. Louis.......who knew?? :)

New Weapons for a New Age

2008-09-22T00:02:00.003-05:00

Picture from Gizmodo.com

I've just finished reading a cool article on gizmodo.com about a new Skunk Bomb used by the Israeli Army. They just used it for the first time and as you would guess, it worked pretty well. It's a very interesting read and recommend as it is short; I freaking love short articles. Synthetic skunk pew pew plus a hose equals RUN AWAY!!!

"It's a good day for non-lethal crowd control methods, but a bad day for their intended targets, as the Israeli Army has used the Skunk Bomb for the first time against Palestinian protesters in Naalin. The "bomb" is dispensed via a hose system, and the liquid is supposedly hard to wash off, even after repeated showers."

This got me thinking about non-lethal weapons. Lethal weapons are easy to make and implore, but non-lethal is tricky. You need to be able to remove the threat without killing the threat. So, in an effort to help, I have devised some more non-lethal weapons of this variety.

Angry yet Talkative Badger Trebuchet

The angry badger can be propelled over a mile into hostile territory. The badger than seeks out the closest group of people and angrily tells them about his terrible day. The people are then so confused they either leave or have to sit down.

Stun'em with Love'in

The cutest puppy eyed puppies in world can be fired at more than 300 mph and hurled over 10 miles. The thought is that when an angry mob sees those puppy eyes flying past them at the speed of sound, their mind will melt and the threat will be no more.

Crossbow of Shame

The Mini Me Sex Tape

The crossbow delivers copies of the Mini Me Sex tape at a distance of over 50 meters. When people see the tape the either pass out and run to the nearest water source to get the nasty taste out of their mouths.

Have a great monday guys, love ya :)

Cubs Win,Cubs Win

2008-09-20T20:26:00.006-05:00

The Chicago Cubs won the NL Central for the 2nd year.

SUCK IT Cardinals fans :)

My Day in Poerty

2008-09-19T02:01:00.003-05:00

It's been a good day,

filled with drinking and fun.

Spent some time at a bar,

played trivia and should've won.

But stupid questions about movies,

was the biggest of the crimes.

And caused us to lose first place,

to ninjas who'd won the last 3 times.

But fun was had all around,

as our team had given it's all.

And we left that night knowing,

next week the ninja's would fall.

As I drive home it is late,

but the directions are clear.

Stay out of the Irish area,

as that's all there is to fear.

I have finally arrived home,

but found a puppy in my bed.

she's greeted me with the look,

gotten up, and has now fled.

I think she moved out of the way,

so I can sleep in true bliss.

But as I examine my poor bed,

It seems I will be sleeping in piss.

Sometimes your day doesn't end they way think it will. But a little variety I guess never killed anyone. Got out of the house, played some trivia, and had some fun with friends. Even the dog peeing in my bed didn't ruin it. :)

Have a great Friday everyone, love ya.

Sweet Mother of School Girl Goodness

2008-09-18T00:11:00.020-05:00

The original blog I was going to post was so dirty, so depraved, and so Please Verify Your Age I have decided to pull it and post some really funny pictures.

Enjoy and have a wonderful Thursday.

When a Moment of Enlightenment Meets a Moment of WTF

2008-09-17T03:14:00.000-05:00

I have worked in the medical field for a while now. I've done my time in the trenches, almost 4 years, in an ER as a medic and come out with a lot of medical knowledge. The one great thing about being in this field is that everyday you learn something new. Here is what I learned last night. When someone is about to have a procedure were they need to be put under sedation, they always ask if the patient has any family members with any psych issues. Even if the patient has none, the always ask about mom, dad, uncles....anyone. Here's why; certain medications used for sedation can actually "awaken" dormant psychosis in a patient, because odds are if your family has issues, you have issues. Weird to know that instead of you developing issues down the road, you could develop them when the medication kicked in.

Well, upon learning of this new tidbit, I remarked, "Man, that would be weird. Being put under and as soon as the meds kick in your screaming WHO ATE MY COOKIES AND WHERE IS MY BATH RUG!!!!"

There was a silence at the nurses station, followed by laughter. I had to excuse myself to conference room as I was laughing too hard. Yet another moment of enlightenment cut down by a moment of WTF.

Love ya guys

- Josh

One Wish Wednesday

2008-09-16T20:15:00.000-05:00

Wish - Per shift at work you are able to punch 1 or 2

annoying people without legal ramification.

Man if this ever came true work would be the greatest place ever! I have been wishing for this one for a long ass time. Back when working the ER went from being rewarding to frustrating. Having to kiss all the ass's of drug addicts, abusers, and crappy parents simply because the hospital wanted good numbers from the surveys they sent out. Also, that wish has grown since I've been at a kids hospital having to see a TON of really shitty parents. That's why I wish I could just smite 1 or 2 people per shift..........that's all.

How about you?

Time to Start Fresh

2008-09-15T21:31:00.001-05:00

My time on deathbyopus has come to an end, but for the better. I started that blog as a means to express my past/current troubles, tell old stories, and to just have a place for my old weary mind to wonder.

After many many years struggling with a certain issue, a girl and lost love, my mind it seems has found peace with it. It was one of my last hurting hurdles and I think I have cleared it. I feel a new sense of purpose and have a new out look on life. I'm done running from this problem as it has waved the white flag, and like the French, surrendered.

Opus is alive and well my friends, pondering the meaning of life, searching for love, and enjoying every minute that I have on this Earth. Let's live in the now, not the past. Let's learn from past mistakes and enjoy every second we have.

I Love ya guys

- Josh

p.s. And yes I am aware I could have simply changed the original blog title and started it anew. But it's all about change, about the metaphor.